Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I could fuck to npr.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
