I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
