He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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