I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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