Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
