I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
