don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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