Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
