That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
