mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
