it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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