My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
