I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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