that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
