And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
