Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
