another moral hangover. fuck.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
