she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
