Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
