mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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