look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
