Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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