tell your sister to shave her snatch
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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