i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
