I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
