There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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