Already got asked if we're dating
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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