32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
