im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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