Rock
Scissors
Fuck
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You dont lie about slip and slides
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
