i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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