I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
