mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
