Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
