Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
