If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
