names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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