our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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