I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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