I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
