At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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