In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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