I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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