she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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