turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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