FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
