matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Farmville is her only friend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
