if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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