I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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