I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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