you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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