My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
