Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
