My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
